|Happy family man.
||[Oct. 14th, 2014|11:52 am]
Veritas et Aequitas
It's funny...I re-read entries in here from ten years ago...five years ago...two years ago...and I cannot fathom how melancholy my life seemed to have been. First, when I re-read those entries, I am struck with the thought that I was perhaps a little dramatic and perhaps a little whiney about my lot and station back then. My life, for all intents and practical purposes, has always been pretty great. Sure, I went through some super emotionally draining and depressing/sad shit, but when I think real hard about it, the situations made me stronger and also helped me dodge some major bullets. Now, as a father to great children and husband to a pretty awesome wife, I am really grateful that I went through the things I did.|
My son is now three years, four months, and my little girl is coming up on a year old. Petrina and I bought a house last November right after she was born. We still have moments of tension, fighting, money problems, etc...but we've come to realize, everyone does. Personally, I think we're doing pretty well. I have a hot temper, and expect that since she is no longer working, that certain things should be getting done, and she is as passive aggressive as always, and still struggle with handling a house and two kids. We both recognize our issues, and work together to resolve conflict.
I took a job in February of 2013 as an underwriter at an excess and surplus insurance company, and let me tell you, it has shown me how good a working environment can be. My aunts agency was like poison. SHE was like poison. Things here are about a million times better. There are always issues, but any job will have that. The difference here is the people I work with are fucking AMAZING. With only a few exceptions, which are easy to avoid, if I have an issues, a question, anything really, people are more than willing to help, to teach, to support, etc...In short, they're not all about themselves, their business, their money, their WHATEVER that my Aunt was all about. They're decent, caring human beings...even the annoying ones. I'm on the company side now, desk underwriting and dealing with agents instead of insured's. IT'S AWESOME. The agents are pretty awesome too, for the most part. I travel to the states I handle. I have been blessed to see other pretty cool parts of the country, and while I don't like to be away from my family, I have seen places I'd never otherwise have visited. Within itself, that has been great as I have gotten to see how people live in other parts of the country...something I have always deemed important.
On a personal level, I feel I am lacking. I'm about the heaviest I have ever been which saddens me as I used to have so much time to really devote to my fitness. With two kids, a house to take care of and a full time job, that's become difficult. The only time I have is 5 a.m., and that's tough...really tough. My daughter does not sleep well yet, so 5 a.m. comes around pretty quick when you've been woken up four times during the night. Petrina gets up with her, but I still wake up. I have joined a gym though, and I look forward to moving forward from this and getting my old self back.
My temper and patience, while better than years ago, leave a lot to be desired. I like to think I am a generally kind of a patient person, a good father, and a good husband. But as with us all sometimes, there are moments where I am tired, sad, stressed, etc...where my personality leaves a lot to be desired. But, I am owning it. My actions are my own, and only I can take responsibility for them, only I can change them. Being cognizant of the struggle helps me avoid situations which make things worse.
So, for now. That's it. I love my family, love my job, need to work on me, but I think things are good. Life...life is good. Here's to coming through the darkness to the other side, no matter how long it takes, and standing in the sunshine for a change.