|Oh, the places you'll go.
||[Aug. 22nd, 2012|10:05 am]
Veritas et Aequitas
Yup...like a dead end career and to therapy. I'm not whining. I HAVE a job...and for that I'll always be grateful. I've ALWAYS had a job and the ability to make money to support myself, and that's awesome. Unfortunately, I have never had a CAREER I'm happy with. I fucking HATE it here, but that's not new. The job hunt was/is long, tedious, frustrating, etc...but I managed to find one...a NEW one. Unfortunately, it was much less than I'm making here. I jumped at the opportunity simply to be out of here, but a giant shit storm ensued. My aunt and uncle freaked out, to say the least. It was a barrage of insults, insinuations, threats and overall verbal torture...for two days. Let me tell you...I have no respect for either of them now and I am simply using this job as a means to an end. Finally, I sat down and weighed out my options, and despite all of the ridiculousness, I deciced to stay here for a number of reasons. First, if I took that job, the amount of money for a loan I would have been able to obtain would have bought me a nice house...in Camden if I was lucky. Second, while the commute to here sucks ass,and is expensive, for the amount of money I was sacrificing for the new position, there was STILL a minimal commute. The financial strain it would have put on my family would have been bad. Of course, AFTER the WHOLE thing calmed down, and I decided I'm staying here...THEN Petrina's Dad tells me not to worry about moving right now. If I had known that previously, I would have taken the job. But of course, that's the way it always is...too little...too late. On the work front, that's really all that is new. My aunt is convinced I'm staying...but I'm still looking for another job. As soon as I find one, I'm gone. Contemplating not even giving two weeks notice this time. At the very least, I'm not working nights or weekends anymore, which is a plus. Petrina is not happy I'm still here, but right now it's for the best.|
On a personal level, things with Petrina are notably better. Over July 4th weekend, she told me she wanted a divorce. It was tough to swallow, and after many tears, much inward inflection and many heart to hearts, we seem to have leveled things out. We have agreed there are many things both of us need to work on, and we have been. As much as I did not want to admit it, there were a lot of legitimate points raised. Also, since it was agreed upon that BOTH of us needed to change, I was ok with the plan as a whole. I have to remember to not bring work home with me, and to not overreact to ridiculous shit, and she needs to remember she does NOT control the whole world, and that she needs time management skills. So, right now, we're just working through things, staying calm with each other and communicating more. It's not perfect, but nothing is, and it seems to be working. Fingers crossed.
I'd have my usual big write up on my personal life, but I have none. Get up, go to the gym, go to work, go home. Last weekend I had a bachelor party, and by 8 p.m. I was spent. I guess I'm getting old. Also, hard to believe so many of us are married now, and so many with kids...it's all going so fast. It's difficult sometimes to watch my still and probably perpetually, single friends and the freedom they have, but then again, they'll all never know how good it feels to get a hug from your little boy at the beginning and at the end of the day. The trade off is pretty even to be honest with you, and I've had my party times...can't say I'm that sad they're over.